LOOK AT THIS I MADE A FUCKING PIE.


frend me?
the frendsonly poasts are the ones that are more often awkward than not, but the public poasts are also more often awkward than not. you must be lost.
frend me anyways.

uuuuuuuggghhh.
uuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhh.
i graduated today. my plan for the summer is to do something specific every day that has to do with something specific, such as making a videoblog or making every day a ~country day~, where i go to that country's restaurant and shit. this one wouldn't work because of camp and everything, but.
anyway, i've just realized that this means i must plan and pick something to do by tomorrow or the plan will be ruint. it is 11:42.
ugh.

i've become interested in art and pictures. i'm not so great at photography because i don't have anything to photograph. and art takes long time. but i really like looking at that stuff, and making icons of it \o/
i think i overtalk.
i have to plan now. i really want to write more but i have to plan and then sleep.
bye.

5/23/08 - honda civic tour '08 - phantom planet, the hush sound, motion city soundtrack, panic! at the disco
7/20/08 - dance across the country - the morning light, the cab, the hush sound
8/2/08 - warped tour '08 - the academy is..., we the kings, forever the sickest kids, all time low
10/22/08 - rock band live tour - the cab, plain white t's, dashboard confessional, panic! at the disco
12/2/08 - william beckett, fall out boy
12/20/08 - treaty of paris, the hush sound
5/9/09 - believers never die part deux - hey monday, metro station, all time low, cobra starship, fall out boy

(because i enjoy lists)
bands:
the hush sound 3
panic! at the disco 2
all time low 2
the cab 2
fall out boy 2
cobra starship 1
the academy is... 1.5
we the kings 1
forever the sickest kids 1
phantom planet 1
metro station 1
hey monday 1
motion city soundtrack 1
the morning light 1
plain white t's 1
treaty of paris 1
dashboard confessional 1

LOL

so anyway, i still dream of a world where i am the all-wise-and-powerful blog-writer. i anger several people, a lot of people are like "o i kno how u feel" and mb i have some fans who are like "I WANTS TO HAVE YOUR BBS."
haha, i can dream, right? heh. heh.

see, what sucks is, i can't write NORMALLY. lately, anything i try to write NORMALLY takes an obscenely long time, because i get distracted and start writing about baked goods (seriously, that really does happen, i'll be in the middle of a sentence about how important something i dont give a shit about is, and all of the sudden i start talking about quiches. i'd tell you to ask my best friend, but she doesn't have an lj, and thank god, because i'd start being really self-concious about what i write.
that's how lame my life is.), or i get stuck on one sentence that i just can't word perfectly and then start using idiotic amounts of stupid-ass gargantuan words, like, oldryrowhoilovedwhodiedandbecameanoldman worthy.
or i just get bored AND STAWT TAWKIN WIKE DIS LOL OMG WTF.
fml! fml!

i want followers. that is my problem. it is my problem because i have no social skills, no empathy or whatever skills, and no writing skills. i want attention without doing anything, and then i'll hide because i'll believe everyone hates me, if that makes sense.
oh who cares if it makes sense? no one reads this shit but me
LADIDAHDIDAH.

my new theory about my life is that i should start being completely honest, cutting the bullshit, etc.. telling ****** that i still have a huge crush on him--should i get over him? would he appreciate that? dont make this weird, ******, i'm just being honest with you and making my life easier (and thats how the emo started the last two times). telling ****** that she needs to calm the fuck down, and that it annoys me when she tells me how wound up i am or acts like any of her skillz are superior to mine. telling ******... i dunno what i'd tell her, but i don't tell her shit in the first place so i could start by just talking to her more.
ooh this is so fun. and i don't think anyone will ever read it. telling ****** i think she's ugly and full of herself, and telling her friends that they shouldn't be friends with her (i'm sorry, i just don't get how you can like someone like that after they do that shit to you)...

anyway, i can't think of anyone else.
damn, i wish i had people skills.
wouldn't it be nice to know exactly where your life was going?

i want to join a band, make music, and get famous. i love making music. but i look around at my shitty, talentless life, where i ALWAYS, ALWAYS come in second place, or don't make it past the first round, where i dont bother practicing because i don't have anything to play, and think... wow, this is just not what you read in a magazine about a rockstar's childhood. with musicians, its like "taylor picked up the guitar at age 5 to soothe the pain of not fitting in with her peers, and practiced every day. 'i practiced until my fingers bled, and they would make fun of me for that, too'" aw, poor taylor. "steve was bored with his life, picked up drums, and immediately found that he was a musical prodigy. his amazingness rocketed him to success." okay, that one's a little unrealistic, but.
see, with my life, it'd be "she came from a fantastic musical background, played violin for 7 years, dropped it because she hated practicing, and picked up bass instead because she thought it would be easier, played on tv once, and in the school play, but never really practiced unless she needed to to prove to someone she had talent."
the next puzzle piece, in a perfect life, would be... "then, she went to high school, where she immediately fit in with her surroundings and the people, found a struggling band searching for an awesome bassist, and dropped her classes, to the dismay of her parents, to focus on music. she began practicing twice as much, three times as much, and eventually got signed to a super awesome label, and got super famous."
wouldn't that just be fuckin awesome.

the problem with my writing is that i enjoy reading supergenius palahniuk, who's a supergenius, who's all artsy and imaginative, so i try to be artsy and imaginative, and use it as an excuse for slacking off of the detail thing and shit, which i'm absolutely shit at because i understand the point and beauty of detail when i read, but absolutely hate and do not detect the point of detail when i write. and then, i fail.
and then, i am embarrased at myself.
yeah, pretty much

i want it to be pretty.
like the perfection that i've talked about before, in music, or in writing, or in the sound of someone's voice, or in a picture. the one that keeps your eyes/ears glued to the spot, reading it over and over again, listening over and over again, hell, it can be a fabric that you especially love. a candy.
like, like, a drug maybe. i've never had a drug, i don't know.


im a real boy!

i am sleepy.
so i just opened this and was like "hay, y dont i just blog and blog and ramble randomly like the old days?"
and then i was like no.
and then i was like "hay, y dont i just explain wtf is going on in my life rn"
and then i thought about how full of suck my life is and how much i would just put myself down about this taking-a-full-fucking-year-to-get-over-my-best-friend thing and brag about how much im improving
see thats the problem with me and unlimited typing space, and its y i do not poast. (i automatically corrected that but then decided it was a little to precious).
see i COULD share with you how my diary's going at the moment, which is kind of ironic in a way because i dont want to talk to you about my life, but my diary's stupid. right now i just come up with a sentence that sounds remotely cool, and then ramble semi-poetically about it until a little plot forms, and then i obsess over it in a semi-poetic and v. repetitive way, and whats retarded is its always about weddings or one-night-stands or something i never have to deal with.
oh and i wrote a love song. for this contest for school. my schoolbestfriend has the best voice ever, and i play bass, and we got a ton of other people who wanted to help, but the guitarist failed at playing in time about 17 times until we gave up, i learned how to play the guitar superfast, and we had me do it, and then all 3 pianists couldnt make it to practice so my friend had to play for them
our band is called "the electric pandas" and it consists of 2 people who play two separate instruments (counting voice) and no drummer.
I WANT A BAND SO BAD.
whenever i go to concerts lately im not focused on the music or how fucking awesome it is that these people really EXIST and im NEAR THEM, which is what i used to be like, im focused on how much fun they're having, how hard they work, how lucky they are to have so many people who adore them, and how jealous i am of them.
i was obsessed with weight loss for about all of january, and the ONLY reason i gave a shit about how my body looks is because i believed that you can't make it as a musician when you're a size 11. but now im just sort of w/e, it doesnt really matter all that much, i just want to play music.

you didnt read my post on my schizophrenia or w/e, because i didnt let you, but.
my mind: my secret is that i'm not letting you go to sleep until you finish your homework
me: my secret is that i'm going to bed anyway because i want to
my mind: my secret is that i have total control over you and there's nothing you can do about it
me: your secret sounds kinky and i don't like it

dude, seriously? its been that long?
i really do not want to talk right now.
about myself.
ooh mb that means im less selfish nao.
see why i dont wanna?
i am NOT going to explain
ifjgidjfgindgiuseriyhngnawfjlkshgafghnibadugnyirelabndjghauetihnjadgk
/frustration
i am calm.
i am very calm.
i am leaving.

LAST ENTRY WAS ON 19TH BUT IT WAS *SO* INCREDIBLY *EMO* THAT I TOOK IT AWAY TO THE NUTHOUSE (AKA THE ENTRIES ONLY I CAN READ, which consists of that emo entry and this one entry about my entire theories of bandom).
I HAVE THINGS. TO DISCUSS.
so first, we have stupid history fair projects, and i threw a huge fit about how late im going to stay up tonight because my dad blew off buying a board until the last minute and i blew off the rest of the project until the last minute, so my stepmom was gonna pick me up early and shit. this will return later in the story.
so then. so then. i had forgotten my headphones, and my id, so i TOOK MY IPOD OUT OF MY PURSE and stared at it pathetically WHILE ON THE BUS which was dumb because then i of course forgot it on the bus and now it is almost definitely gone forshiz. bright side is i may get a new sexier ipod to replace it. but i might find it and i hope i do because i was really personally connected to it ukno? i called it harmonica. ='( ='(. my friend says ill definitely get it back. w/e w/e i want an ipod touch :D
so anyway, then the same friend, in ela when the teacher said wed be getting assigned the roles in romeo and juliet as we read it (we also got to list themes and i got to explain folie a deux it was cool and i felt smarterer) and my friend, yeah, he was like yelling "ROMEO! I WANNA BE ROMEO!" and she went thru all the roles and at the end was like "oh i guess we need a romeo too" and he was like "PICK JUSTIN" and i was like "hey, i could be romeo" and then she picked me it was epic.
so then in science class we were looking at cells under a microscope and there was like some important ~other teacher~ in the room and my science teacher asked what me and kemdah were looking at and she said "spermogenis" or whatever it was and i was like "its a SEX cell." and my science teacher was all "try to keep it appropriate" and i was like "NO SRSLY IT IS IT SAYS TESTIS AND EVERYTHING" what was rly gross was that under the microscope it looked like a whole bunch of steaks.
i dont think anything else of consequence happened until we were lining up, and it was godspell rehearsal day, only we were only watching the movie so i was like "oh w/e i gots history fair to do" and got in line (btw in godspell i'm singing light of the world as a duet with another girl only its a dudes solo song, and theres a rap at the beginning lol) and maggie whos also in the musical was like "u have rehearsal today" and she wasnt going because she already saw the movie and i was like "oh psh, i have history fair"
so then "where did you get your board?"
"i havent gotten one yet, did you?"
"no" and this was fucking weird because shes like superstudent who gets all her work done early
"why not?! omg! ur doing it tonight?!"
"no... prolly this weekend or something"
"dude, its due tomorrow"
"um no, febuary 17th... did he change it?"
"...it says in my planner-"
so yeah pretty much i was a retard. then my stepmom insisted on picking me up anyway, and i celebrated by buying junk food :D
so earlier i was flailing. my stepmom blames it on the soda and cheetos and ice cream i bought at walgreens-i need to go back and tell this story before i tell this one because im just being an idiot today and i pulled one of my back muscles. is that not the biggest fail ever.
anyway,
Maggie: looking for things that rhyme with next for sonnet: results? safe sex

bwahahahaha
i had tea today, and i think the puppy might have pooped in my room even though shes not allowed in here because she'd die. like seriously, i find dog in room, stepmom yells "IS SHE DEAD?"
they're trying to kill me. they baked cookies after we watched horton hears a who. vlad the bunny makes really attractive looking cookies. i wanted to like drown myself in cookieness. i want to buy a tub of cookie dough and eat the entire thing like bec wants to do. bec and i should have an international death party where we eat cookie dough and dance.
LIFE WAS ON OUR TONGUES AND IT TASTED HEAVENLY SO GOOD
idk, but my friend's mad at me because i was "harsh"
"wtf did you not read the giant caption? its mikey way, retard. you think i actually like joe jonas?"
hm.
i think i'll go look at shit on the internet because im stella and thats what i do.

HAPPY LAST DAY OF YEER FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT BEC! (NO ONE)
ITS NOT TOO LATE TO GET WHAT YOU NEED TO DO DONE!
DRINK THAT MILK THAT EXPIRES IN 2009!
NEED A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT *THIS YEAR* OTHERWISE YOUR SKIN WILL ALL FALL OFF? *GO MAKE ONE, RETARD!*
STILL HAVEN'T TAKEN THAT HOT AIR BALLOON TRIP AROUND THE WORLD? sucks for you.

2ND ORDER OF BUSINESS.
i compared life to sand yesterday! \o/ idk. so, so, an hourglass, right? there's always like, these few grains of sand that catch the light and, like, sparkle a little (at least they do in my hrglass), but all of the other sand is moving so fast that it smothers them right away. there's always those few that stand out in the crowd and catch the light, but the world moves too fast for them and too many people are trying too hard.
*shrug* just a thought as i was washing my hands.

3RD
I WANT TO DO A MUSICAL REVIEW OF THE YEAR.
SO I AM.

 

( STELLA'S ~UNBIASED~ *cough* MUSICAL REVIEW OF 2008 )

and um, ASDFGHJKL WHAT http://th248.photobucket.com/albums/gg196/ryden_fan/th_patd_ryan_ross_09-1.jpg IDC IF ITS FAKE, *MY BRAIN*

 

HAVE A FUCKING AWESOME 2009, BITCHES!
heh. heh heh. BYE.

 

falalalalala
i am happy, because school is over, i went to another concert, it no longer seems like something inside my karma or whatever exploded, and CHRISTMAS = PRESENTS.
what i don't get is why someone would get pissed during the holidays. i mean. not pissed, but depressed.
well. actually. its that ive never thought of it?
i get it now, so these 3 (4 NOW!) lines were esentially pointless, and im gunna use the SUPERCOOL crossing-out function again (and then go try and fix my misspellage of essentially. nevermind. i like it that way. its stupid in a stupid way.)
*FAIL*
oh oh oh
i need to share this with anyone who cares (ahem, bec. and. um. helen, i guess. and. my imaginary twin--

HOLD UP. HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU ABOUT GLADYS?
I THINK I HAVE.
BUT I WILL AGAIN, TO REFRESH YOUR MEMORY.
GLADYS IS MY IMAGINARY TWIN. SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY IMAGINARY, SHE JUST HAS A RIDICULOUSLY FAST METABOLISM, SO SHE'S SO RIDICULOUSLY THIN THAT YOU CAN'T SEE HER. SHE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE (WE'RE FRATERNAL) AND SHE HAS A FACEBOOK PAGE, BUT SHE CAN'T TYPE BECAUSE HER FINGERS ARE NONEXISTENT THIN. IF YOU WANT, GO ADD HER! HOLD ON. HER NAME IS "GLADYS CULLEN"

--...yes.) failblog.org
IT MADE ME LAUGH.
GO LAUGH AT IT.

i think i'm done now. this only took 16 minutes, and i took a break in between, too, like, a really long one. this surprises me. i once spent a full hour writing an invitation to my birthday party, without any breaks. and i started at 1:00 am, and it was like, a school night, too. alright, i'm going now.

okay.
idk what i plan to write about in this, but while the page was loading, i remembered something i havent done in a while (besides trying to utilize every single tag in my tagbag, that was dumb) and that's just typing every single thought that goes through my head. LOL (that was a thought that went through my head and i'm not sure why. my head is funny). the problem with this is that it doesn't work that well when i'm listening to music because what i think when i'm listening is either in picture-form (like babies. someone once told me that babies must think in picture form, because i asked them what babies thought, because no one knows because they forget like EVERYTHING so apparently they think in pictures instead of words. oh thats right. i thought of this question because babies don't know words when they're little. so logically they must think in pictures. hell, animals prolly think in pictures too. whatever. i'm apparently a baby animal then. kewl. thats like. almost. nevermind.) or just singing along to the song.
AND I'M AFRAID THAT I
WELL I MAY HAVE FAKED IT
well to be honest its really hard to write down the part of my brain (*type) that's singing along because music moves too fast and i recently discovered that i only ever use two fingers on my right hand to type (usually one, the pointer finger) and three on my left hand (i always use my pointer finger, my ring finger, and my thumb for the spacebar) so that's why i can't keep up to music and i make so many typos. fortunately i automatically correct these typos. its like, a reflex. i will momentarily (i typed that one with the use of a third finger on my right hand, yay me) disable that reflex and try to type.
i like where we are thwn we drive in your car i like where we are here our lips can touch and our cheeks can brush out lips can  touch here you are the one the one who lies cose to me whicspers hello i meiss you wuite terribly i fell in lobe in love with you suddenly now theres no place e,se i couls be but here in your arms
see how annoying that is? typos annoy me. stop making typos you guys. it annoys me. i like where you sleep. LOL THAT WAS RANDOM. im a n idiot. AHH I MESSED THAT UP. as you can see, these are the actual thoughts going through my head. because i am secretly a fucktard. HAHA FUCKTARD. FIRST THAT MADE ME THINK OF FUCKING, THEN IT MADE ME THINK OF DUCKS. AND BEC. BECAUSE LINDA CALLS BEC BECTARD AND I THINK I SHOULD START CALLING HER THAT TOO. because it . um. what was i saying? i refuse to go back and read it. i don't want to, or feel like it. i was just interrupted to tell someone happy birthday, which is extremely important. birthdays are sexy. HA SEX. lol im so mature. yummy. erm. so, i said that about the intro to i constantly thank god for esteban, because i was thinking something like "ooh, those guitars sound... yummy..." and then i immediately forgot why i typed it and thought of ryan ross. the other day i wondered if some day i would become pete wentz's stalker. i dont actually know how to properly stalk someone. you know, the best thoughts always hit me right after i turn off the computer at night and head for the bathroom to brush my teeth. that is when i become philosophical. i'm fat. i just ate like half a box of cheddar bunnies, which are like the mammal version of goldfish, the snack that smiles back. i think i'm going to check exactly how much i just ate. 3.25 oz. thats not THAT terrible, is it? there were two left in the bottom of the box, and i ate them. this song is cool. it makes me think of when i saw the album in the window at borders, singing the previous hit by p!nk in the hallways at school in 6th grade and it became my theme song and then we made the skeleton masturbate because we were SO COOL, and then we told everyone that "cheese" was codespeak for "marajuana", impeached the leader of our clique of self-proclaimed "losers" who wrote 1 & 2 on our wrists in black ink because that's what i did this one time to remember the french homework and then everyone saw it and copied me and then were like "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN" and i was like "dude, its the french hw" and they were like "oh. we thought it was something cool". and then it also reminds me of justins party where we juked and after my frends left (nah, it was just one of the two, nvm) we did this weird circle-dance while everyone else went outside and played innapropriate truth or dare, and it also makes me think of this fic where its peterick and ashleee calls and is like "im breaking up with pete, patrick, and im writing a really hot single about how much i hate him" only it was a lot nicer than that in the actual fic and it made me think "huh, so thats why people break up". oh! my friend. that wasnt very clarifying
so first of all, she's in love with joe jonas, and contacted him on facebook (i think its a fake profile but i dont give a shit because i dont like him that much and shes living a dream so w/e) told him her deepest secret, he told her he loved her. because she said "PS I <3 U" and he said "i <3 u 2". so anyway, we were txting today and apparantly the popular kid in our grade likes her but he's like. weird. and we don't like him. so she was like "WHAT DO I DO IF HE ASKS ME OUT" and i was like "say no. id say no" and she was like no, she doesnt want him to hate her. and i was like w/e its ur life. and that also made me think of bec because i just commented on her and said how too many people ask me for advice and im shit at giving it, and it also made me think of alexa because alexa asked me what i had thought about her and this dude before they were going out and i was like "erm. you were gonna get married and gallop off into the sunset. WHAT DO YOU THINK? I HAVE NO... KNOWLEDGE AT ALL." so yeah, now i feel like my brain is an idiot and i'm an idiot too for having an idiot brain. do you ever let your eyes fuzz over when you're typing a giant thing and you see how the spaces between the words form funky lines and patters? it looks kinda like a giraffe's skin to me. SHIT. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON MY ART HOMEWORK NOW. i actually thought about that like ten minutes ago but was like "fuck it, this is fun." I'M NOT IN LOVE. i best be going now, mates. my art homework is supposed to be done in like... 15 minutes. and i have to make 7 drawings. and i have ocd when it comes to art. and now im going to waste my time trying to tag this.

i mostly post (well, at least im posting this time) because i am embarassed by the shit i came up with last time *shakes head*. its either emo or adhd, even though i dont fucking HAVE adhd (though my friend says i must either have ah (not getting easily distracted, just really hyper (she explained to me the difference between adhd and add and how one is awesomer than the other (and why oh why is awesomer not a word?!)) or have too much caffiene, but i dont do caffiene, because of this one time when i got a caffinated beverage (and that was it, because i spent all of my money on it to see what would happen because im insane without the caffiene) for lunch, chugged it, started twitching, and then my crush showed up (and this was in 6th grade, mind you, two years ago, BEFORE i asked him out and later claimed it was because i had had waaaay too much soda (because weird shit happens to me when i drink soda, its like i get drunk)) and it was overall weird, embarrasing, and caffinated) i only do caffiene when i drink rootbeer, which is funny because im actually addicted to rootbeer and sometimes when i get all adrenaline rushy AND have rootbeer too or sometimes just randomly, i get extremely hyper and also btw most rootbeer doesnt have caffiene because it isnt supposed to, just because, but OF COURSE my favorite kind of rootbeer DOES have caffiene because THE WORLD IS FUCKED UP.)
i like the general overusage of parentheses, and the fact that i cant spell the two main words in that paragraph, "caffeine" and "embarrassed". lol i actually got caffeine right without trying that hard but had to look up embarrassed. i thought it had either 2 ss or to rs. I HATE PLURALS WHEN ITS THE PLURAL OF A LETTER & NOT OUT LOUD. because i hate the improper grammar that is "s's" no matter how proper it actually is (idk, is it proper? does anyone even say that shit?). ive run out of words to type so ima leave it there. im dancing.

=)
i have a christmas tree about 6 feet away from me.
i know. its not even december, but whatevs.
theres a pretty tree with lights and ornaments and the stupid purple barbie angel that matches the pink one that my friend and i insisted on getting this one year, and there's a centimeter of snow on the ground, and the little old chinese lady who rides my bus with a funny little round hat is back and now i know why i love winter so much.
im freezing a bit of snow i picked up, and im keeping it until next winter. maybe then ill pick up more snow and add it in and then i can watch pollution escalate :D
and thats pretty much the good news.
my life sucks and I DONT CARE :D
its the little things like the obnoxious girl in language arts staring at me and the jock in french class laughing (and not in a "haha you guys rock" way but a "lol those guys suck" way) at me and my friend when we start talking in english accents and burst into song, complete with idiotic head bobbing. and that one friend who laughs when i make sex jokes, when everyone else stares at me like im some kind of pervert when, hey, this is my life and oh my god im getting way too awkward with this.
so yeah. enough with the stupid symbols and shitty stuff XD
i think i'll innappropriately fill out mad libs for children now.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
it is early in the morning, and right now im insisting to my mom that part of my getting-up routine is getting out of bed, moving to the couch under a blanket, and lazily staring at the computer screen.
unfortunately, i need a shower.
damn you, cleanliness.
hah. i spelled cleanliness right. i will now celebrate/shove it in my own face because there's no one else here by spelling it over and over again.
cleanliness. cleanliness. cleanliness. cleanliness.
im going to tag cleanliness. cleanliness would be a funny thing to tag in a photo on facebook or photobucket. i think i'm going to search for cleanliness on photobucket to see who would tag something as that. you know. cuz i can spell it...

three cartoons that failed to make me laugh, a lady washing her hands, mountains, for some reason (and i think they were stolen from me because i drew those same exact mountains in my notebook on the way to colorado when we first saw the rockies because i had always wanted to go to colorado and see the rockies because colorado was my favorite state)
i hate it when i forget the second parenthesis. holy shit. i spelled parenthesis right too. parenthesis. parenthesis. parenthesis.
anywho, it usually happens when its a really long parenthesis-contained thing, and i forget that its in parentheses. heehee. i got the plural right too. that plural is funny. so all in all i spell better at like 7 in the morning which i consider freakishly early. or im just a genius because i havent misspelled a single word in this entry.

just to forewarn you, this will probably be totally conceited and self-centered because im having that kind of moment. +im philisophical right now. not a good combination. and awed. i dont know why i decided to use a +. i think i dont use enough of them.
most things that i used to embarrass myself by doing ive started amazing myself by doing. its kind of weird. like when i gave up and decided i would never be good at sports, quit for four years, then tried baseball and actually did better than sucky. which sounds odd, but whatevs. i draw, i can actually communicate with people, im unnaturally happy, and thats not just something i tell myself to get by anymore. its just the truth. i can walk to school knowing i didnt do any of my homework and smile all the way there.
this isnt as conceited as i thought it would be.
im reading things ive written recently, and im like, wow. i used to think "wow, you suck because you're still a kid, wait til you're 20 and then take yourself seriously"
i think im actually being MATURE about things
i understand more. im not constantly thinking "i should be allowed to do this because it makes me happy" because that really is dumb, no matter how much i want it to not be. its just something you have to deal with. some things bother other people. whatever. move on.
im growing up.
thats about as conceited as i expected. like. weird and uncomfortable and (once again lol) conceited and thoughtful and annoying to read, i know. i enjoy comedy much more than i enjoy anything sappy. if it involves a moral and it isnt about talking animals living in africa and not trying to impress their fathers, i pretty much would rather be thinking about some person with a sucky life and a sense of humor. i think i'd like to stop bothering you if you're still reading at this point. bye.

have i posted recently? like, at all?
oh well. here i go.
i was a fairy for halloween. i had pink hair, pink nails, a pink shirt, a white dress with red/pink flowers, pink fishnetty tights, and pink non-verse. and pink makeup. and a wand with assorted colors.
i was very pink.
my wings were all droopy, and im guessing it was something having to do with lack of use and the fact that im not a real fairy and im so fat that even if wings DID work, they wouldn't be able to lift me. *eyeroll*
people should be able to fly. i actually came up with this idea that could actually work if scientists developed it and it was approved... there are a few problems, but... what if there was a sort of steroid thing or something that they gave you at birth or in the womb somehow that caused you to develop an additional set of bones that would work just like bird wings? it would be complicated to create, of course, because we dont have a way of influencing mutant bone growth, and the test subjects would prolly get infected by something, plus we'd have to figure out how to get it aerodynamically perfect...
and even if we could make it, how could we make sure it was administered at birth? i mean, there are kids just randomly born like in the backseats of cars and shit, so there would be no way to get the steroid to them. and poor people who cant afford it. and religious people who believe it conflicts with their beliefs.
but still. think about a world where we all have wings. it would be amazing, yes?
tho i do have another potential problem: identifying crime. the sky's pretty limitless... if everyone could fly, it would be really really hard to catch criminals.
but still. wings.

manamahahahahamanamanamanamahahahahahahahahahamahamanahahahamamenamenamanamanamamaha.
there's an ad thingy for tom cruise on the side of the page.
OH. im supposed to write a story (ROAR. IF YOU'RE READING THIS. ROAR. YOU NEED TO HELP ME.)
idk what about.
GAH. GET. OUT. OF. MY. HEAD.
STUPID! SONG!
*puts pandora on to drown music out*

manamahahahahamanamanamanamahahahahahahahahahamahamanahahahamamenamenamanamanamamaha.

AND OH CRAP I FORGOT I WAS WRITING THIS
i gots a headache.
just a warning... i might possibly start bitching and getting depressed in posts in the near future. im trying not to care about anything to avoid this.
just. gaahhh. you know what? i need to play bass. because i really can do things. like run miles in 9 minutes (which is great cuz 9 is my favorite number and ive got the best girl time in the class) and play bass. and. do ryro-like makeup. tho ive only tried once, yesterday, but it came out awesome. and draw. YES. I WANT TO DRAW. AND PLAY BASS.
and bake pies. i bake really great pies. i have ingredients.
hm.
yes. i will bake a pie, while drawing, and i will also have my bass out to gaze at adoringly. okay. but im not running too. okay. bye.

[title stolen from line in the sand by ZOX]

wow. um. so someone i know is doing drugs. i barely know them, they're my age, and like an entire 2 feet shorter than me. whoa, i just had deja vu thinking of that. i dunno why. thats started happening. it happened to my friend today and i didnt get what she was talking about until she explained what she meant by deja vu, because im an idiot. (hah)
so apparantly people like me now. as in, ive started getting sexually harrassed just like everyone else does (and what a relief, i was starting to think i was a freak of nature)
theres this guy who sings on the train from the stop by my house to the stop i get off at, and today me and my dad were the only white people on that train, and also the only ones who clapped. i wondered if they thought we were somehow being racist. like "oh yeah, the whites are clapping because they feel bad for him cuz he's black". of course im the only one who would think someone would think that, because i always assume the worst and the weirdest out of strangers.
im reading wicked. it is the first book i've ever read where i get to this part about sex and i dont immediately think "jesus christ, is that really necessary? couldn't we just move on with the plot?" we're reading it for book group and our teacher wants to talk with us about its "mature themes" and one group's reading "the shining" so wtf.
i dont actually know what the shining's about though, and he's prolly talked to them.
how does everyone find time for everything, between talking to people, working, travel time, reading, eating, going to the bathroom, and having fun?
well, a more appropriate question would be, how does everyone fit it in? and how can people go without sleep? sometimes i actually wish i was an insomniac because i'd have more time. and of course i yawned while typing that.
OH. im starting to develop a distinct personality that i and everyone else can set apart from themselves. even those idiotic people who call theirselves non conformists.
*deletes next part*

idk.
so im sposed to be doing my homework, or something productive like bass.
which i havent touched in like 2 weeks
ok. i just touched it. i feel better now.
i just told someone to use fire for their science fair project because its fun and unpredictable.
and then i went into a rant about candles that i think is pretty fucking great.
here you go:
oh fuck it. im still being ingenius so we'll wait til the conversation's over, kay?
*uses extra time to figure out how to spell engenius*
ingienies
what the hell? thats a word?
THERE WE GO. IT NEEDS AN O. I RHYMED THAT SHIT. OH YEAH, THATS IT. HOWD THAT COME OUT SO FUCKING SEXUAL? IS THERE EVEN ANYTHING THAT RHYMES WITH SEXUAL? BESIDES THE WORD ITSELF? SHELF!
um.
ingenious, btw.

Her: dude, do you knoee a good science fair topics fer me? Me: i have no idea do something with candles Her: :/ blaghh. Me: they're vastly underrated Her: like whattt? Me: like, how fast do they go away, or what kind of wick burns fastest (if they even make different kinds or something about how smelly they re just do something firey? fire is fun and unpredictable its good for science fair\ Her: sooo what should i put on my sheet? uhhh. likee. idekayy. lol. like what KIND of candles burn the fastest? Me: you could just write "CANDLES" in really big letters? Her: like birthday candles scented candles orr like just the regular candles? yehh? Me: that works like the kind you put in lamps and "emergency" candles you use for blackouts and table candles and those kinds they put in chandeliers at hogwarts and creepy mansions that are always really waxy and melted and you cant even really tell that they're candles Her: do you think thts too easy? http://sciencebuddies.org/science-fair-projects/recommender_interest_area.php?pc=1&isb=cmlkOjgxMjM2NixzaWQ6MSxwOjIsaWE6SHVtQmVo thts kul ^^^^^^^^^ Me: idk. i hate any project that requires effort or people. though they always turn up really cool Her: LMFAO. is tht easy tho? either one? Me: idk... pick something that requires a lot of research and some really deep insightful descision, and then a really awesome set up Her: like whts the most effective way to quit smoking? Me: that could work? only youd need a ton of smokers? Her: urghh. lol. okiee. Me: :)

IM SO FUCKING FUNNY ITS INCREDIBLE.
no. actually im not. i just liked the part about writing CANDLE in really big letters because it made me crack up which is actually really lame but thats okay because im alone and its 10:30 at night and music is playing and its basically the best time to do idiotic things you'd never ever do in public no matter who tells you to. dude. is it possible to pick up an instrument and just play along to a song you don't even know? i want to do that right now because i feel really guilty about never ever practicing bella the bass (yes her name is bella. isnt that awesome.)
but seriously. its because im overly ambitious and really lazy at the same time. its some genetic badness combined into one. on the upside, im good at music and writing. unless you think that this is entire blog is nothing but bullshit, which is actually what i think too, so hey, thanks for agreeing, but fuck you because you're not supposed to criticize a thirteen year old for having bad writing skills, because only prodigies know enough shit and grammar to write amazingly. or just awesome people in general, who i am deciding to salute right now.
SALUTE.
uh, someone just said hoe to me? gardening tool wtf? brb.















editing real quick to say that  i just managed to walk into a glass wall AND drop something without waking my mom up. and then i came up with this really awesome summary of fight club that includes a ramble about how awkward lines that wiggle could look like worms. only it was incomplete because right when i got to the ramble, it ended with a "OMG I GOTTA POST THIS TO MY LJ. oh shit, that was stupid, not its gone."

so yeah. good niiiight! :)